


i won't tell them your name

by jim_morrisenpai



Series: the gang has kids [2]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F, Pregnancy, The Waitress is Having A Baby, Vomiting, are they enemies, are they friends, brief cocaine mention, i reveal the waitress's name, idk they're in love now, yall will Hate it dont worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 14:19:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15196613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jim_morrisenpai/pseuds/jim_morrisenpai
Summary: Dee was a real person, no matter how some assholes treated her sometimes.





	i won't tell them your name

Dee was fed up with giving people help with nothing to gain.

She knew that probably sounded shitty to some people, the ethics police on their high horses, but she also felt like those people never considered the way that real people actually think and act. Dee was a real person, no matter how some assholes treated her sometimes. Yeah, those goddamn sons of bitches really had it coming. Once she got her life straightened out, it was over for those bitches.

In the meantime, she took a swig of whatever it was that she ordered earlier. Was it some kind of fruity drink? It seemed really sweet, and the colorful lights everywhere kept her from being able to tell what color it was. She was relaxing at a nightclub, and she couldn’t really remember ordering a drink at all. She had more important things to think about.

So Dennis was gone. In fucking North Carolina of all places, raising a child of all things. What a piece of shit, acting as though he was ready to be a father to someone. He wasn’t even ready to be a brother to anyone. And okay, maybe that was harsh. Dennis really helped her, sometimes, sporadically. When their mom just cut her a little too deep, sometimes Dennis would try to take her mind off of it. Always something stupid, like ‘I found some weed in Dad’s drawer, do you wanna try it?’ Or what about the time he just went into detail about losing his virginity? What a disgusting freak. But Dee could admit that she knew when he tried, as an older brother, to offer her some kind of support. Not that he was any good at it.

Especially now. They had never been separate this long, not without contact with each other. The last few weeks had inched by slowly with one less person to tend bar and take care of shit. Dee was pretty sure at this point that her and Dennis had been all that was holding the bar together, considering how poorly it was doing with him gone. It would at least help if they had another person.

Uselessly, somebody interrupted her thoughts by all but crashing into Dee’s table, spilling the rest of her drink all over the attacker.

“Aw, you stupid goddamned-”

Gorgeous, familiar blue eyes looked her over lazily, and Dee nearly stopped yelling. Nearly.

“-clumsy asshole. What are you doing here? Drinking again? Really?”

The waitress stood upright and swayed a bit. “Nooo… you’re drinking again,” she slurred, hiccuping at random.

Dee sighed. Why couldn’t she be more like her brother? Why couldn’t this just be somebody elses’ goddamn problem for once? She set her empty glass down and stood from her table. “I heard you’re staying at the women’s shelter, aren’t you? You really think they’re gonna let you back like this?”

“That’s none of your business,” the waitress retorted, dragging her S’s like some kind of cartoon snake. Dee really didn’t want to feel bad. But she nodded anyways.

“Alright, well. Don’t expect me to do this ever again, because I’m absolutely not going to, but if you’d rather crash on my couch tonight I don’t have any other garbage company to entertain.”

The waitress seemed to have a hard time comprehending this, but she looked at Dee carefully as she swayed before nodding slowly and putting her arms around Dee’s neck. Dee jolted backwards before accepting that she was going to have to carry both of their weights, and goddamn it, why did she have to be such a stupid charitable bitch?

Walking them both home, one arm around the waitress and one with pepper spray held up threateningly, Dee listened to her talk about Charlie’s latest harebrained scheme.

“So he actually convinced you to have sex with him? Are you stupid?”

“Listen. I seriously just wanted this life he was offering, to not live at the women’s shelter and to be able to relax for once,” she said, slowly but with honesty that sort of melted Dee’s icy heart. “And he told me he loved me, Dee. Nobody’s ever said that to me the way he said it. Everyone always forgets me except that stupid disgusting boy from high school who pretended he was gonna marry me. And with Charlie it really seemed important, and I just thought…” She started to cry, and yeah, Dee was pretty sure her heart was a puddle at this point. “I thought that maybe a baby wouldn’t be the worst thing that’s happened to me, Dee. But now I’m fucking pregnant, and even Charlie forgot me now, and I don’t know what the shit I’m gonna do, and I know I’m so stupid.”

Dee knew for a fact that she wouldn’t know what to do in her friend’s shoes either, so she shushed her gently, pulling her close and pressing a quick, meaningless kiss to her gross wet face. “Noo, honey, no. Uh, hey! We’re here, so let me take you inside and I’ll try to think of something.”

Once they were inside, Dee dropped her purse and pepper spray on the floor unceremoniously. “Make yourself at home, I guess,” she shrugged, heading to the bathroom to wash the makeup from her face.

In the middle of doing that, she heard gagging and rushed back out to see the waitress vomiting on her floor. “No no no! Aw, fuck, aw, shit, oh god damn it!” Of course. This was her gift for being generous. She was being paid in vomit, and half expected to hear her pathetic guest bite out ‘lick it up baby, lick it up.’ Disgusting.

Instead, the waitress started crying again. “Oh my god Dee, I’m so sorry, I feel so gross. I’m gonna clean it up,” she insisted, but her slurring seemed worse than ever. Dee sighed. She couldn’t handle this, but she would.

“You know what, it’s alright. Tonight was going to be like this, and I knew that when nobody noticed me at the club, so it’s alright. Sit down on the couch, I’ll just…” She couldn’t finish that thought without gagging, so she ran to the cupboard. Baking soda, right? She wasn’t sure, but she grabbed it and dumped the entire carton over the vomit pile. Just like faking cocaine with Charlie. She covered it with a dirty towel she would never use again and shrugged. “You could have thrown up more, so.”

The waitress was wiping her mouth and calming down. “I don’t really eat that much.”

Dee frowned. There were so many issues she had no responsibility for here, but she inexplicably wanted to help. “So, listen. How about if you just force Charlie to take care of this kid once you have it?”

The waitress looked at her in alarm. “What do you mean? Charlie can’t take care of a baby.”

“Yes, duh, I know that smartass. But neither can you. Hey, no, don’t cry more, no, look. If Charlie has a baby, we all have a baby, and okay, maybe that doesn’t sound much better, and I know I sure don’t want to take care of this gremlin. But Charlie has his mom too, and she’s clearly not gonna be perfect. But, you know, it take a village, and none of us are perfect, but the kid will have a family no matter what.”

The waitress wiped her face and sighed, heading to the bathroom unsteadily in her heels. She closed the door, and Dee waited as she probably peed and washed her hands and face, and she could hear her gargling with mouthwash. Once she opened the door, Dee stopped her and reached down to take her heels off of her carefully, and the waitress finally had to say something.

“Why are you even being nice to me at all? Do you even remember my name?”

Dee stood back up, hissed in a breath, and strained her memory to try to think back to high school. “Um… Isn’t it Anne?”

The waitress stared at her, beginning to gape a bit. “H-how did you remember?”

“You said we sat next to each other in Trig, and I remember the teacher being a dork. He always thought it was funny that you were Anne and I was Dee, and together we made ‘Andy.’”

“He was insufferable.”

“I know, but I remembered that. So, yeah. Your name is Anne.”

The waitress- no, Anne- stared blankly at Dee for all of ten seconds, before reaching out to touch Dee’s hair. “You said nobody noticed you at the club, but I did, I really did, even in the state of mind I was in.”

Dee wasn’t sure how to feel, and she was almost starting to feel weird until Anne pulled her in for an aggressive but not unkind makeout session.

Stumbling back towards the couch, Dee’s face was shocked but not repulsed, which encouraged Anne to follow her and pin her to the couch. “Do you wanna be my girlfriend?” Anne asked coyly.

Dee sputtered. “What! You- you, you hate me!”

Anne shrugged. “You made Cricket pour dirty mop water on me.”

“That wasn’t just me!”

“You’re an accomplice, and you’re guilty, and you suck. But I wanna be your girlfriend.”

Dee blinked. “Yes, yeah, that sounds good. Hey, if you remember that time when Cricket danced with you and he asked me if I was jealous, I was. Of him.”

Anne smiled and kissed Dee. “You’re a dork and you’re a terrible person, but you’re so nice to me tonight and you remembered me a little, and I just really want to see if you can be nice to me more often because I really love it.”

Thinking for a moment, Dee nodded resolutely. “That can be arranged. If you change your mind in the morning, you know, it’s okay. I’m not like. Obsessed with you, or anything.”

“Thank god for that. I really do not need another Charlie in my life.”

Dragging Anne to her bed, Dee made out with her sloppily until they fell asleep.

And it was good.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you all for reading! i would like to thank [milkshake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosyastronaut) for inspiring how this story reads, fucking superb you funky little milkshake


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